Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Thanks Guys

Dear Gang,
I want to thank all the Folks who voted for the Sandgram. I owe it all to Maj Pain at One Marines View for helping me out through the year and I say he is NUMBER ONE in the arena. Thanks to Momma Taco and DaNang Bell for telling me when to cool my jets on some of the posts and for Momma Taco on her editing. I have a real problem with present and past tense. I owe my wife for her patience when I should be painting the house and I’m typing but most of all, thank you guys for reading my stuff.
JP if you are out there at, thanks again for all your hard work right before you deploy.
As Forrest Gump said “That’s about all I’ll say about that”
Semper Fi,
P.S. I'm in 737 school now and will only be able to check my email every couple of days, so forgive me if I don't answer back right away.

Without further ado, the 2006 Milbloggie Winners are:

U.S. Army

Acute Politics

U.S. Air Force

Afghanistan Without a Clue

U.S. Navy

Doc in the Box

U.S. Marine Corps


U.S. Military (Veteran)

Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love

U.S. Civilian

Soldiers' Angels Germany

U.S. Military (Spouse)


U.S. Military (Parent)

Some Soldier's Mom

U.S. Military (Supporter)

Fuzzilicious Thinking

Monday, February 26, 2007

Wax on, Wax Off

Dear Gang,

Being the hard charging reservist that I am, I decided, against all good advice, to enroll into the Marine Cops Marshal Arts Program (MCMAP) to earn my Tan belt. This program, the brainchild of a certain high-ranking officer, combines about six different combat styles into one modified art. Now I was under the impression that this was going to be the Geritol version for the old guys, but found out quickly how wrong I was!

Our “Dojo” was manned by a handful of mid-twenty something "Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles" who proceeded to P.T. the crap out of these old officers and Staff NCOs. We started at 0630 and ended at 1700 (5pm) each day. It only took three hours to break the first old man. Neal, a 41-year-old LtCol airline pilot reservist, started to do his forward roll which failed causing him to get the new call sign "Nadia" as in Nadia Comaneci the Russian Gymnast. His poor grace landed him in the hospital with a clean break on his collarbone.

I know you could see the doubt in my eyes as the potential dangers of taking this course began to be clearer. They were treating a bunch of old guys like we were in shape like a 25-year old. We worked our “arses” off till lunch and then made a few phone calls, asking, "Hey isn't this supposed to be the old man's course?" It all fell on deaf ears. We returned for our afternoon workout getting battered till 1700. When I made it home, after a hot shower, I had to bust into my wife's old pain med's from her C-section for all my aches and pains. My head hit the pillow at 8pm.

Day two: The alarm went off at 0500, "Oh Lord, I can't move!" It took every ounce of will power to get dressed. I admit it; I whined like a baby to these hard chargers at the bunker and demanded that we dumb this down a bit. "Sir" the Sgt replied, "You are a Marine, we are all are expected to maintain that level that separates us from the other services ...Suck it up...Sir."

"O.K. Gents, stand by for the next exercise. Twenty Marine Corps pushups followed by low crawls through the grass, crab crawls, jumping jacks, smurf jacks, bends and thrusts, and duck walks." He would put us into the next position of pain. This is all part of being the new Marine Warrior...guess I felt like Ralph Macchio in "The Karate Kid" doing all the stuff for Mr. Miyagi... wax on, wax off, paint up, paint down. It doesn't make sense while you are doing it, but later realize its part of the overall program.

We lost pilot number two that day to a shoulder injury. I went home again, dragging butt and wondering if they were trying to kill me. I am a shell of the physically fit man I used to be at twenty-five, but I have always refused to quit. So day three, just as hard, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel as we beat each other up, tossed each other over our shoulders, learned how to do effective blood chokes, pounded bags, kicked the living crap out of a dummy, practiced bayonet fighting and knife fighting. Did I cover all the basics? I think so. Did I tell you that this was a hard course? Oh yeah baby, I earned that belt. See this is what happens after you leave the Corps and come back in five years later, they change things up a bit. They teach this to all new recruits and young Lt's, good thing, too, because I'm telling you that some of us old guys would have a hard time getting to the black belt level. It makes me appreciate that I'm an expert pistol shot if I ever have to use it, but if I ran out of bullets, I'd only go down after some kicking and punches. Hats off to our hard-charging young NCOs who took the time to teach us the ropes of this excellent, but demanding program.

Oh by the way, here is one Marine who proves you are a lethal weapon no matter what age you are...
Semper Fi,

February 23, 2007 -- A retired 70-year-old Marine killed a mugger with his bare hands after a tour bus of U.S. senior citizens was held up in the Costa Rican city of Limon, authorities said yesterday.
The retiree squeezed the 20-year-old mugger in a headlock, broke his clavicle and choked him, police said.
The thief's two accomplices, who were armed, fled as other retirees on the bus started defending themselves. The group then drove the unconscious mugger to a local Red Cross clinic, where he was declared dead.
Local police named the former Marine as Allan Clady, but could not say where in the United States he resides.
The 12 tourists involved in the incident on Wednesday were on a stopover from the Carnival Cruise ship Liberty.
Local Police Chief Luis Hernandez said no one would be charged in the incident.
"They were in their right to defend themselves," he said.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Happy Post VD day

Nothing says love like… A Japanese toilet (photo from Cheryl Friend,: )

If you want to give your spouse a gift that will leave a meaningful memory, if it doesn’t cause a divorce, buy a high-tech Japanese toilet like I found in my hotel in Tokyo. To set the scene, you check into this beautiful hotel after a long, long, twelve-hour flight from the states. The room is very small since real estate is so expensive causing them to cram so much into such a confined area. Almost everything in the room touches something else. The craziest thing, though, is the bathroom. It looks like they had pre-fabricated bathroom modules installed into the open room when the hotel was built. Small, plastic walls with the coolest space-age toilet you have ever seen.

I had a couple of hours to kill before meeting the crew downstairs, and decided that I had to deposit some American fertilizer before taking a shower. I sat down on the toilet with an old issue of USA Today that I was re-reading for the fourth time; but that soon lost its appeal and was replaced by my curiosity of the fancy computer on the wall next to the toilet paper roll. It had a lot of buttons, with little cartoon pictures depicting certain functions of this high-speed, low-drag futuristic waste disposal unit. The problem I encountered came from my lack of understanding Kanji. Warning, graphic language to follow—hide the kids. There was a block with numbers on it, so I started pushing them and noticed the numbers getting higher, 10,15,20,30,40 before it stopped. Not knowing better, I pushed another set of buttons which resulted in a strange motor noise from somewhere in the back of the toilet seat. Not sure what that was, I peer between my legs and noticed a little white rod directly in the center of the space under my hinny.

About the time I figured out what this thing was, it erupted with a water jet of 40 Celsius or 104 degrees Fahrenheit straight up my butt crack giving me a scalding enema. I shot forward into the room, screaming like a chick, with a stream of hot water arcing over onto my back until I lay prostrate, half-in and half-out of this plastic bathroom. Once my weight came off the seat, it triggered a shutdown of the bidet, but not before it left a searing red line up my butt and the small of my back. Water was everywhere.

After I was able to regain my composure, and recover from this attack of the robotic toilet seat (this took awhile) I finally figured out what all the little cartoons were depicting. I guess there is something to be said for crapping in a hole in the ground like they do in Turkey or a nice old American Toto porcelain John.
But if you decide to get your spouse the toilet with all the works, get one of these Japanese models, but make sure that you get the one with English printed next to the cartoons…
Semper Fi,
PS, Here is an update on these toilets... (Thanks to Bridget)
Japanese Company Offers Free Repairs on Toilets That Could Catch Fire
Monday , April 16, 2007

Japan's leading toilet maker Toto Ltd. is offering free repairs for 180,000 bidet toilets after wiring problems caused several to catch fire, the company said Monday.
The electric bidet accessory of Toto's Z series caught fire in three separate incidents between March 2006 and March 2007, according to company spokeswoman Emi Tanaka. The bidet sent up smoke in 26 other incidents, the company said.
"Fortunately, nobody was using the toilets when the fire broke out and there were no injuries," Tanaka said. "The fire would have been just under your buttocks."
The company will repair 180,000 toilet units manufactured between May 1996 and December 2001 for free, she said. A manufacturing defect is thought to have led to the faulty wiring.
Toto has been a pioneer in high-tech toilets fitted with pressurized water sprayers - a standard fixture in Japanese homes.
The popular Z series features a pulsating massage spray, a power dryer, built-in-the-bowl deodorizing filter, the "Tornado Wash" flush and a lid that opens and closes automatically. Prices range from $1,680 to $2,600.
The model is not sold overseas

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Who cares??

You know it’s a sad state for our country when I land only to see all the news channels reporting Anna Nicole Smith died today in a hotel down in Florida. Here is the problem with our country, they focus international news for, well, all day on a former stripper and gal that bared her body to Playboy, married rich and sucked as actor. I’m sorry that she is dead, but if that was you or me who died, would CNN talk about us? Maybe if we walked into a 7-11 with an AK and took the place out, then they might.

Folks, I know I’m preaching to the choir here but what about all the heroes who die in a war saving others lives, where is the coverage for that? It frustrates me that America would rather be undated with useless news on worthless actors, who they are sleeping with, what they wear and who will be divorced next. I can understand say Elvis, that guy did something with his life, but this gal??? She was a nobody, nothing, but will be remembered for years. How about our military, police, and firefighters? Where are they on the cover of people? Anna will probably immortalized as a goddess diva for absolutely doing nothing.
In a side bar on the news, Iran has threatened the U.S. with attacks on us worldwide if we even sneeze in their direction, but that only made it on the news for about 20 seconds. No, we can’t watch that… we have to mourn over poor Anna who most likely killed herself to fit into the Hollywood life style of the Rich and Famous.
Well, I pray for the souls of the seven that were lost in the CH 46 from my old base in TQ Iraq, those names will be erased in the sands of times, and Anna will remain. I wonder what will happen to all those folks who are insanely interested in that kind of stuff when the first Nuke or roadside bomb goes off in their neighborhood. Will they still be clamoring for details on who is the it girl and guy in Hollywood, or will they be looking for the heroes to come save their lives who are willing to take a bullet from our enemy for 20K a year and not a 20 million dollar contract?
America, WAKE UP.
Semper Fi,
PS, I had an affair with her too and the baby is mine.

Monday, February 05, 2007


This email comes from Captain John Hunt, US Army in Afghanistan. It's a great update and one that I thought you would like to read.

Our guy Rambo in Afghanistan..................

Hi everyone.

I'm still alive but freezing my tail off. We got 8 inches of snow last week and it reached 5 degrees below zero that night. That's not why I'm e-mailing though.

You may have heard about a suicide car bomb attack in Kabul last Thursday. It was at one of our FOB's (Forward Observation Bases) about 27 miles from here.

But the real story is why no one was killed.

We employ several thousand Afghans on our various bases. Not to mention the economy that is fed by the money these locals are making.

Some are laborers and builders, but some are skilled workers. We even have one Afghan that just became OSHA qualified, the first ever. Some are skilled HVAC workers.

Anyway, there is this one Afghan that we call Rambo.

We have actually given him a couple of sets of the new ACU uniforms (the new Army digital camouflage) with the name tag RAMBO on it.

His entire family was killed by the Taliban and his home was where our base currently resides. So this guy really had nowhere else to go.

He has reached such a level of trust with US Forces that his job is to stand at the front gate and basically be the first security screening.

Since he can't have a weapon, he found a big red pipe. So he stands there at the front gate in his US Army ACU uniform with his red pipe.

If a vehicle approaches the gate too fast or fails to stop he slams his pipe down on their hood.

Then once the gate is lifted the vehicle moves on the 2nd gate where the US Army MP's are. So he's like the first line of defense.

Last Thursday at 0930 hrs a Toyota Corolla packed with explosives and some Jack Ass that thinks he has 72 Virgins waiting for him approached the gate.

When he saw Rambo he must have recognized him and knew the gig was up.

But he needed to get to that 2nd gate to detonate and take American lives. So he slams his foot on the gas which almost causes the metal gate to go up but mostly catches on the now broken windshield.

Rambo fearlessly ran to the vehicle, reached thru the window and jerked the suicide bomber out of the vehicle before he could detonate He detained the guy until the MP got there.

The vehicle only exploded when they tried to push it off base with a robot but no one was hurt.

I'm still waiting for someone to give this guy a medal or something. Nothing less than instant US citizenship or something.

A hat was passed around and a lot of money was given to him in thanks by both soldiers and civilians that are working over here.

I guess I just wanted to share this because I want people to know that it's working over here.

They have tasted freedom. This makes it worth it to me.