How to Annoy your XO

How To Annoy your XO…

Back when I was a young officer and member of the JOPA (junior officer protection association), it was us against the field grade. The follow list is a collection of things you can do to annoy your Executive Officer. Our XO in my first fleet Squadron was a real piece of work. His job was the “bad cop” and he played it well. Lets say that his name was Major Ima Pain, call sign “Sunshine” because of the stuff he didn’t blow up your rear. Funny thing is I got along with him great because I figured out that if you gave him crap back he left you alone.
It was our job as the junior company grade officers to harass him as much as we could possibly get away with. So, this is a short list of what you can do to drive your XO nuts and things that we did. Of course, I didn’t do anything, but am just passing on things that others did. Feel free to do the same things to your XO if you would like, and leave me some stories at ‘Thesandgram’ at yahoo dot com, and I will put together a collection of stories for the blog.

1. Have the boys down in the flight equipment shop make up a set of name tags with his name on it but with your rank. Then when you go on the road (trip) you put his name on your flight suit and jacket. This works wonders when word gets back to the Squadron about the wild antics of Lt. Ima Pain in the Rota O’Club.
2. When he is on leave, put his house up for sale. The next day when he returns to work…priceless!
3. If he is follicly challenged and does the comb-over, go to yard sales and buy broken hair dryers, then leave them on top of his wall locker in the shower room.
4. Also, half used bottles of hotel shampoo work well placed on his locker.
5. When no one is around, change his callsign on the Squadron Ops board from “SunShine” to “Santa” or “Tigger” or “Teddy Bear” something that a kinder gentler type guy would like.
6. If you have friends in the police office, pass and tags division, then snag a couple of Generals Stars that you put on the windshield next to his DOD sticker of his beat up old crappy Volvo. Going from a Major to a General isn’t too bad…
7. Put a glass half full of milk on the bottom shelf of his book case. It will take him about a week to figure out that smell.
8. Put some hard core Italian Porno mags in his suitcase while his bags are strapped down in the back of the cargo bay, only on the last leg of the trip right before you land.
9. Wait about three months when he stops searching his suitcases after a trip and then sneak some gay porn in his bag…Then imagine what excuses he is telling his wife that night…
10. Sneak in his office and write “Gay national pride day” on every third Friday of each month.
11. Leave bottles of butter milk in the fridge down in the ready room with his name on it.
12. Always spell his name wrong on the flight schedule to Ime Paine.
13. Leave a post it note on his desk with a message to call the Group C.O. at a certain number and then go to each place and have them say “Sir, he was just here and left for the base barber shop, call him at 919-466-6079, then have Moe over at the shop send him to the seven day store, etc. etc. etc. this one takes some coordination but is lots of fun.
14. Put your empty beer cans in his office trash can.
15. Finally, give his name out to all the nasty local gals you meet in Havelock NC at the local Men's club...with his office phone number and say “Give me a shout and we’ll meet for lunch.”

Well, I have to fly to England and Norway, you guys have a great week and I’ll catch you on the flip side.