Friday, February 10, 2006

Only the best for our guest!!

Dear Gang,
You have to love VIP’s, those Very Important People who cause all sorts of chaos around the area as they just stop by for lunch and some “I love Me” pictures with the Marines etc. I received a call from higher headquarters somewhere out in the green zone that we had 6 congressmen arriving who just wanted to pop in say hi and then go tour another base. I said, “that’s fantastic, give them my number, I’ll say hi and they can stay there with you!” He just laughed at me “Nice try bubba, they are coming to you, I’m tired of dealing with them, and so I’m passing this monkey to your back.”
There was a weather system building to the south that looked pretty bad and I knew it would cause them to be stuck somewhere and by God, I was hoping not here!! “Hey, do you realize that we’re about to get hit with some weather later today?” maybe common sense would keep these VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE, there where they could have more fun and out of our hair. “Taco” he says, “That’s not a problem, just put them in your VIP lounge and let them cool their heels there” VIP LOUNGE!!!! Who do you think we are? The Air Farce, VIP Lounge… “We don’t have one” I say. He is still laughing, “Take them up to the Bing and let them smoke a Cigar”. This isn’t very funny, as much as I would love to entertain them up at the “Bada Bing”, I don’t know if they would like their picture being taken next to the mud flap gal on the wall. Plus it might be raining by then.
HHHHmmmmm, I’m thinking now, VIP lounge, I think I can fix that problem… make a nice cozy VIP lounge that they can relax, smoke a cigar in and watch the pretty sand billow up and swallow their aircraft and never want to come back. The day that they arrived, it was suppose to be a drop off here on a C130 and then picked up by some Army choppers to take them to another base. Now I’m happy, because they changed their minds and will tour another base not to far away from here. Things should run nice and smooth, the C130 drops them off, and they run onto the Choppers presto, VIPs are far, far away from me…
The C 130 arrives early; the choppers arrive late, so now I’m stuck with them by the taxiway waiting. Waiting for word as to why the Army is late. I hate that because folks look at you with this “brick” radio in your hand and expect you will know the answer, chop, chop. Tough since we don’t control those aircraft and have no visibility on them. Well with the delay I ask if they would like to move over to the VIP lounge? Congressmen X says, “VIP LOUNGE, that would be outstanding, please lead the way” I start walking to this wooden bench we had built with the new sign overhead I had just painted the day before that read “VIP LOUNGE” in blue. No special room, no plasma screen television, no coffee, only the best that we could offer…
They loved it, thank god it wasn’t raining. They ended up going to the other base, the weather came in that afternoon like I was told it would and they were stuck there for two days. I think they were shelled a couple of times which will make them think twice about coming on out here again. Just visit the Air Force bases over in Kuwait next time, they have some nice stuff there and no one is trying to kill you. Hell you might just make it in time for the water polo matches at the base pool, or the crud matches at the O club.
Well just remember this, “I went to war and Garrison broke out”….
OOOOHhhhhhh RRRRRRRRRRhhhhhhaaaaaa,
Semper Fi,