Thursday, June 22, 2006

Free Porno and Sex!!!!

An Open letter to Congressmen John Murtha

Dear Sir,
I know you have been taking a lot of heat lately about your stance on the Marine Corps and the war on Iraq. Know a secret? I just compare you to Lord Darth Vader from “Star Wars.” He, too, was once part of a band of elite fighters, the Jedi Knights, who protected the universe from the dark powers of the “The Force.”
Much like Vader, you succumbed to the dark side of the Force, which blinds you as to the damage you truly cause. It’s no fault of your own; the swell of power that radiates from Washington D.C., can cause any normal person to morph into a dark, sinister person.
Now, I’d like to help you on the war in Iraq. I understand you want our troops out ASAP and short of just dropping tactical nukes on the whole region, we have to figure out a reasonable approach to withdraw our guys and gals. After much thought, here is the answer… “SEX.” Three letters will free an entire region from the grip of these religious leaders and awaken these people to some of the simple pleasures that God has given us and get their minds off jihad.
See, here is the problem and mind you, these observations come from a book titled, The Arab Mind, and some of my own experiences of flying around the world. The culture in the Mideast says, “Women are for babies, men are for fun.” This means young girls are forbidden from having sex until they are married, or face being stoned to death by their religious leaders (this is a religion of peace mind you). Thus, young boys entering puberty are forced to engage in sex with men, and while technically I’m told this isn’t really legal, they just overlook it. According to Wikipedia, when you type in Homosexuality and Islam, Justin Richardson, a professor of psychiatry at Columbia University, says such thinking is backward - it is precisely the extreme restrictions on sexual relations with women that lead to greater prevalence of the behavior. "In some Muslim societies where the prohibition against premarital heterosexual intercourse is extremely high—higher than that against sex between men—you will find men having sex with other males not because they find them most attractive of all but because they find them most attractive of the limited options available to them."Heck, why do you think our greatest American “King of Pop” took off to live in the Middle East as soon as his trial was over???
No, if you were a young man, raised in that peaceful culture, and were being buggered by your next door neighbor or the boys at school, but all the time wishing you could date a girl, wouldn’t you strap a bomb on your chest and kill yourself too? Think about it—they blow themselves up so that they can have 72 virgins. They wouldn’t know what to do with a girl, but the idea of getting 72 of them is so strong, they are willing to kill themselves. Have you ever wondered why American Muslims aren’t walking into the local Supermarket with C-4 strapped to their chest? I’m sure some radical Imans here in the states have asked a young kid to do his duty so he can go to heaven with 72 hot chicks. The kid is probably nodding his head “yes,” but thinking, “This guy is whacked out of his gourd, I have 100 Virgins in my school right now and sex is no big thing for me, so why the hell would I have to kill myself?”
Back to my cheap solution to the entire problem in the Middle East brought on by centuries of Medieval thought. Just park a satellite directly over the Middle East and beam down free Porno to the masses. We have it on our Dish network, just make it free and send everything down from the skies so that all males, whether a boy, teenager, or man in these countries can view the sinful pleasures of sex with a woman. We export everything else that they despise, but love deep down, so why not Porn??? If a young guy realized there really are such creatures baring everything, maybe they would choose to stay home vice going out to kill themselves. Can you imagine the total disarray that would ensue? Boys skipping noon worship and IED digging duties to watch “Debbie Does Dallas???”
Anyway, just set up a commission to study this idea, and it would cost less then all the money spent investigating Karl Rove or money wasted by those fine taxpayers from New Orleans. Just a thought for you to chew on and think about because I know that deep down in your soul, there still resides the core values that you once held when you were a Marine, and like what happened to Darth Vader, you, too, will also wake up to those feeling again. Good luck Sir and may the Force be with you.
Semper Fi,

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Hadji Girl

I don’t normally comment on current events, but there is hardly a day that goes by without someone trying to trash my Marine Corps… The latest incident occurred yesterday when I found the out the Marines were going to “investigate” a video that is making the rounds on the internet of a young Corporal singing a song called “Hadji girl” that was written by this young lad while stationed in Iraq. The Islamic American terrorist culture clan is all up in arms about the song because they claim it glorifies the killing of innocent Iraqi civilian’s.
I found the purported video on and watched the whole thing over and over again. It’s actually a fantastic song and has a snazzy beat to it. The story line is this, he is on patrol and during a firefight looks up to see the most beautiful Iraqi girl who can’t speak English but says “Kurka, Kurka, Mohammad Jihad” which is a line out of a puppet movie “Team America” that the middle eastern terrorist say because the creators didn’t know any Arabic, so they made that up. She takes him to her house and as soon as the door is opened he hits the deck, taking cover because both the Father and brother, who are insurgents, open fire on this young Marine. They kill their own daughter/sister and the Marine grabs the little sister standing there to use as a human shield (this is the sick funny part, knowing that a Marine would never do that and the terrorist do) and they kill the sister. The Marine in the song opens up with his M-16 and kills the two insurgents. The song basically depicts killings but they are done by the girls own family members, it is not the Marine killing innocent civilians.
This video was not posted by the Marine, but someone else who thought it was a good song. The liberals out there can slam me all they want but you know what? If I was the investigating officer on this case, I would tell the kid to knock it off and be sensitive to the feelings of the terrorist around the world (all the while giving him a slight wink) and then after I slapped his hands, I would ask for a copy for myself!!! Listen up all you folks who think this kid should be shot for his song, there are gang bangers out there making millions of dollars for their rap songs depicting the killing of police officers and people in authority… if you don’t sound off every day about that (oh I forgot, they are covered under free speech) then lay off this Marine!! To the Marines, please remember that songs about our enemies have been written during every war. Hell I remember marching in OCS in 1986 to the following tune
“I want to go to Viet-Nam,
I want to kill some Viet-Cong,
I got my gun in my hand, now I’m a happy man
Sound off, one two, knock it on down and turn it around, four, three, two one…”
I bet the North Vietnamese wouldn’t like it much, or the slanderous nicknames of our enemies in WWII, both in Europe and Asia. This is something that will happen during wars and you have to expect that these feelings are coming out in our Marines and Army troopers now after almost three years of battle. Three years!!! Just think about it, almost a year shy of the time we spent in WWII where we lost millions of lives.
Well, Young Corporal, if you read this out there in internet land, know that I support you and must say that if you made Hadji Girl into a record, I would buy ten copies!!! Don’t let the political police of the land get you down or the liberals who would hate you because you are a Marine just the same.
Semper Fi,

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Ding Dong, the terrorist is dead...

We’re all broke up here at the Bell household now that Zarqawi is dead. I had the girls singing “Ding Dong, the Terrorist is dead, he’s gone where the goblins go, below, below yo ho!!!”
I just wish we could have some medium channel to Zarqawi, to let the rest of his buddies know that you don’t get 72 virgins when you die… Actually, Zarqawi is probably pretty shocked right now as he and his six butt buddies stand in front of heavens gates to find them guarded by U.S. Marines. Can you imagine the sound of the public address system, “Attention in heaven, all Marines report to the South wall ASAP” I mean every former Marine and his brother, line the walls armed with their favorite weapon from days gone by. Looking down at the seven figures, they take aim and fire, each bullet tearing painfully into their bodies. The men all fall down in searing pain, crying for their Momma’s and then the holes disappear but the excruciating torment remains. This is the cue for our boys to fire again. See this is heaven for our Marines and hell for Zarqawi. At least this is my idea of Heaven and Hell for him…
I think those guys in Task Force 145 have done a great job and given time, (it’s only a matter of time) they will also get Bin Laden. His time is limited on this planet and I’ll take the day off from work when they place a well aimed sniper round into him. One down and a couple thousand more to knock off and this will be a much better world.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Dat FlyCatcher...

Sitting around the squad bay on various footlockers and little camp stools, preparing for the pre-final inspection before graduation, Barns, the prior enlisted guy noticed “FlyCatcher” Clements, across the way working on his rifle. “Hey FlyCatcher, what are you doing?” Clements looks up with that silly partly opened mouth, “Just putting the final touches on my weapon.” From my bunk across on the other side, I could see something was terribly wrong with his rifle; it was no longer black, but silver. In his left hand was a pad of steel wool. This idiot had removed all the bluing from the barrel of his M-16A1.
Barn’s got up off of his foot locker and looked at the “really clean” barrel on FlyCatcher’s rifle. “What?? What?? What’s the matter with it?” He inquired from Barn’s. “Oh nothing FlyCatcher, you’re going to do great at the inspection” This seemed to please him as he went back to work on his rifle. Barns returned to our side with a big smile on his face as he was shaking his head in disbelief, “This inspection is going to be fun boys, that’s for sure!!” Normally, you help out your buddy, but in this case, “FlyCatcher" was in another squad and lets just say that we had some good home rivalry going on between us.
Twenty minutes later, word was passed to get ready for SSgt. JJ and the Platoon Commander (a Captain who looked like Harrison Ford, but a boyish Hans Solo). They arrived inside the Quonset hut putting one half of the squad bay at attention and the other half at parade rest. As they smartly turned to face each candidate, Captain Solo would ask a question like, “What is your seventh general order?” “What is the max effective range of the M-16A1?” “How many counts in that movement you just completed?” He looks over the uniforms, sticking his finger into gear that is placed on tightly folded green wool blankets that cover the beds. As they get closer to our end of the squad bay, Captain Solo steps in front of Candidate “FlyCatcher” who executes a flawless “Present Arms” to the good Captain showing that his rifle was empty and ready for the inspection. Captain Solo exclaims, “Holy Crap!! What the hell happened to your rifle Candidate??” As he exams the now shiny silver barrel. “FlyCatcher”, very proud of his work says “Sir, this candidate used steel wool to get his rifle really clean for the inspection.” The Captain turned to SSgt JJ, pointed to the end of the rifle, handed it back, put his hand over his mouth for some reason, stood there for a minute looking at “FlyCatcher” then smartly turned right and moved on.
The two drill instructors (to the Captains left) were ready to kill “FlyCatcher.” SSgt. JJ leans over to whisper something into his assistant’s ear. We called Sergeant Worth the Tasmanian Devil, because he was just like the cartoon character that would spin up into a feeding frenzy. The Devil just waited until Captain Solo moved on to the next poor soul and then removed “FlyCatcher” from the squad bay. Over the soft questions asked by Hans Solo, you could hear the Tasmanian Devil outside, running “FlyCatcher” through a series of bends and thrust, jumping jacks etc as he screamed about having him arrested for destroying Government property, etc. We all learned from that example that you don’t use steel wool to clean your weapon…
The best part was being told to empty the garbage after the inspection and walking by the instructors Quonset hut while the sound of laughter carried over the radio playing . “Sir, can you believe Dat Dummy took all Da bluing off Dat Dang rifle?” SSgt JJ said as the Captain piped in “I was almost starting to laugh, I had to sit there for a minute to compose myself. Well, I guess you can give him an A for trying!
SSgt. JJ didn’t agree with that and promised to stick to “DAT” boy like white on rice…
Remember what my Dad always said… Be outstanding, but don’t stand out!